On Addiction - part 1 of 2

Breaking the Chains: Understanding Addiction, Trauma, and Recovery

What Is the Work?

Addiction does not arise in a vacuum. It is not merely a bad habit or a lack of willpower. It is the outcome of deeply woven psychological, neurological, relational, and societal factors—a survival strategy that once helped us cope but now holds us captive.

To truly recover, we need more than just abstinence. We need to understand the roots of our suffering, the roles we play, and the masks we wear. We need to recognise how our attachment history, nervous system, and self-perception have shaped the way we seek comfort, connection, and escape. And we need to see how, together, we can step out of these old survival patterns and build a life that is not just free from addiction, but full of meaning, purpose, and genuine connection.

We do not heal in isolation. Recovery is a relational process, and group work in a structured treatment setting—guided by those who have walked the path before us—can provide the foundation for real, lasting change.

But first, we must understand how we got here.

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The Many Roots of Addiction: How We Lose Ourselves

Addiction is not a single disease with a single cause. It is a complex response to pain, trauma, and unmet emotional needs. When we strip back the layers, we see that addiction is deeply interwoven with:

• The Window of Tolerance – Our ability (or inability) to handle stress and emotions.

• Attachment Styles – The survival strategies we learned in childhood that shape how we relate to others.

• The Masks We Wear – The false identities we adopt to protect ourselves from rejection and shame.

• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – The unmet needs that keep us stuck in survival mode.

• Trauma and Nervous System Dysregulation – The body’s long memory of pain and threat.

• Core Beliefs and Identity Wounds – The deep-seated convictions that whisper, “I’m not enough.”

• The Brain and Addiction – How substances hijack our dopamine system, creating chemical prisons.

• The Role of Society and Culture – How disconnection, consumerism, and digital addiction shape our struggles.

Let’s begin with how addiction functions as a response to emotional dysregulation.

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The Window of Tolerance: Why We Seek Relief

The Window of Tolerance is the emotional range in which we can think, feel, and respond flexibly. When we are in this state, we can engage with others, handle challenges, and process our emotions.

However, early trauma, neglect, or chronic stress can shrink our window, making it harder for us to regulate emotions naturally. Instead, we find ourselves stuck in survival states:

• Hyperarousal (fight/flight mode) – Anxiety, impulsivity, panic, restlessness.

• Hypoarousal (freeze mode) – Numbness, depression, dissociation, emotional shutdown.

When we cannot regulate our emotions within this window, we look for external ways to feel better.

• Some of us drink or use drugs to slow down hyperarousal.

• Some of us gamble, shop, or binge-eat to jolt ourselves out of hypoarousal.

• Others swing between the two—drinking to numb, then using stimulants to feel alive again.

The more we rely on substances or compulsive behaviours, the smaller our Window of Tolerance becomes. Over time, we lose the ability to self-soothe without them.

The key to recovery is not just stopping the addiction, but widening our window so that we can handle life without needing to escape.

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Attachment Styles: How Our Early Relationships Shape Addiction

From birth, we rely on caregivers to teach us how to feel safe, regulate emotions, and connect with others. If those early relationships were consistent and nurturing, we develop secure attachment—meaning we trust others and can navigate relationships in a healthy way.

But if we experienced neglect, unpredictability, rejection, or trauma, we may have developed insecure attachment styles that shape how we cope with stress—and, later, how we relate to addiction.

1. Anxious Attachment: The People-Pleaser & The Performer

• Deep fear of abandonment.

• Overly dependent on relationships for self-worth.

• Turns to substances or compulsive behaviours to cope with insecurity.

• May struggle with love addiction, codependency, or alcohol use to self-soothe.

2. Avoidant Attachment: The Lone Wolf & The Ice King/Queen

• Believes they must rely only on themselves.

• Emotionally distant and uncomfortable with closeness.

• Uses work, alcohol, or cannabis to numb feelings.

3. Disorganized Attachment: The Shapeshifter & The Self-Saboteur

• Swings between craving connection and pushing people away.

• Often linked to childhood trauma or abuse.

• More prone to poly-drug use, high-risk behaviour, or self-harm.

Recovery requires us to learn new ways of connecting—where relationships are not about escape, control, or validation, but genuine mutual support.

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The Masks We Wear: The False Selves That Keep Us Stuck

When we grow up feeling unsafe or unworthy, we learn to wear masks—roles we play to protect ourselves from rejection and pain.

Common Masks in Addiction

• The Party Animal – “I’m fine! I don’t have a problem.”

• The Tough One – “I don’t need help. I can handle it.”

• The Caregiver – “I take care of everyone else. I don’t have time to look at myself.”

• The Overachiever – “If I just work harder, no one will see my pain.”

• The Victim – “I’m beyond saving. There’s no point in trying.”

These roles may have protected us in the past, but in recovery, they become prisons. The work is about learning who we are without them.

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Maslow’s Pyramid: Why Addiction Keeps Us Stuck in Survival Mode

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows how addiction traps us in the lower levels:

1. Physiological Needs – Addiction disrupts sleep, appetite, and health.

2. Safety Needs – Financial chaos, legal trouble, unstable living.

3. Love & Belonging – Relationships become dysfunctional, superficial, or abusive.

4. Esteem Needs – Shame and guilt prevent self-worth.

5. Self-Actualization – Addiction blocks personal growth and fulfillment.

Recovery is about climbing back up the pyramid, one step at a time.

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The Work of Recovery: Climbing Out of the Abyss

So, what is the work?

1. Expanding Our Window of Tolerance – Learning to manage emotions without addiction.

2. Healing Attachment Wounds – Forming secure relationships in recovery.

3. Letting Go of False Roles – Finding our true self beyond the masks.

4. Climbing Maslow’s Pyramid – Building stability, connection, and self-worth.

5. Breaking the Cycle of Trauma – Releasing old patterns and learning new ways of being.

Recovery is not just about stopping the addiction. It is about learning to live, feel, and connect in a way that no longer requires escape.

We do this work together. In treatment, in community, in deep, honest conversations where we stop running, stop pretending, and start becoming who we were always meant to be.

This is the path forward. And we walk it one step at a time.